


Hatred

by Tamystardust



Series: Knighted [2]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 11:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8370457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamystardust/pseuds/Tamystardust
Summary: Harry was exactly the same man who left him.He was completely different.
Eggsy still doesn't know how to deal with it. But he keeps learning.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Second part of this serie. There was supposed to be another part first, but I never couldn't really finish it. It was my favourite part, so maybe I will work around it.  
> My mistakes are still mine, and English is not my first language, and I apologize for the discomfort.
> 
> I hope you will enjoy it!

Harry was exactly the same man who left him, as much as he was completely different.

He was beautiful, perfect, just as he was disgusting, repulsive. Even hideous.

The man was in his armchair, at the Round Table. He was smiling, charming. His benevolent gaze flying over his knights. Praying each of them, making each one feeling special. He was such a lovely man. Like a father for the young ones, like Roxy. Like a brother, a best friend, a counsellor, for the older ones. Merlin was looking at him, with a relieved smile on his face. Percival was laughing quietly at something Bors just said, who was moving his hands a lot, giving a physical representation to what he was telling.

Harry treated him like he treated the other ones, smiling at him with gentleness and kindness. When he started talking to him, he even called him “ _my boy_ ”, before being cut by Gawain, who had a lot of questions to ask.  
Harry even told him they were going to talk later, together.

_Fuck you_

The burning hate boiled in his veins. Bile was rising in his throat, flooding his mouth. His chest was so tight, his heart like a bass, without enough space to tambour like it was supposed to. He was rigid, waiting for the moment to jump.

Lamorak finally asked if he could go, because of a plane to take or some bullshit like that.

Harry gave him that same smile, and said the meeting was over. Turning towards Eggsy, Harry was going to say something, and the young knight took his chance and jumped.

He left the room so quickly, even when Roxy tried to call him back, he didn’t slow down.

Eggsy was burning, from head to toe. He was so hot, he felt so sick. His cheeks must’ve been red, his eyes too. It was ringing in his ears, in his head. So fucking noisy.  
Andrew saluted him when he passed in front of him, but Eggsy hated the man. At this instant, he hated him so much he could have put a bullet in his head. He could kill them all, he could massacre them, destroy them, hurt them, make them shut up, shut up, shut up.

Eggsy slammed the door of his car so hard he knew if the window wasn’t bulletproof, it would have fallen into pieces.  
The noise had stopped now. It was so quiet. He felt his face crumbled, and put his head on the wheel while he could feel the tears coming out.

_My boy_

Like electrocuted, Eggsy straighten up himself, he started the engine and left as quick as he could. His face was still in a frown, and soon, he couldn’t handle it anymore. Starting to scream, he punched the wheel repeatedly.  
My boy

That fucker. That fucking fucker dared call him that.

_My  F U C K I N G  boy_

He wasn’t a boy, firstly, for fuck sake. He wasn’t HIS boy, he was no one’s boy, like he was no one’s son. Yes, fuck you too Merlin. He wasn’t the property of anyone. He owed nothing to no one. He had no responsibility towards anyone. Not even his sister. Not even his mother. Towards anyone. Just because this one couldn’t have a hold on herself and on her life, he owed her nothing. As much as the bastard child she couldn’t take care of.

Eggsy’s breath cut short.

_Daisy._

_My Daisy. My baby flower. My lovely Daisy._

Eggsy stopped on the side of the road, putting his car on the sidewalk.  
He lowered his head on his arms, still on the wheel. He cried everything he had, small moans of pure pain escaping his throat.

Congrats Unwin, breaking your own heart, Ta very much buddy, like you don’t have enough help around you with that.

Eggsy got out of his car. Didn’t even closed it. It was not like it was needed.  
Now, he was on the banks of the Thames, near Westminster.  
He had no idea what to do or where to go. He just got closer of the Thames. Closer and closer and closer.

Nothing would never get better. He would never feel better again. He was drowning with no escape.

Even if he knew it wasn’t true, Eggsy also knew he would never forget how it was to feel like that. It was imprinted on him now. It was in his blood, in his flesh, in his muscles. Nothing would never bring him more pain. It was like it was flooding out of him, all of the pores of his skin were stretched to their maximum. The heart in his chest was so torn, like a hand was crushing it, scratching the nails in his throat. He was sweating, out of breath.

He couldn’t. It had to stop. It was too much. Even after everything he went through, Eggsy thought that finally, he found his limit.  
Before, even when things were bad, Eggsy could still find peace in small stuff, like seeing his friends, playing with his sister, hugging his mother.

But now. Now, those things had no effects on him. He couldn’t find any rest nowhere in nothing. He couldn’t find anything anymore. Everything was either dull, or painful as fuck.

And without kidding, Eggsy really thought that pain wasn’t the worse.

The numbness he felt most of the time was terrible. It was worse to feel nothing than to feel pain, because at least it was moving in him.

But that feeling like he will never be happy again. It was even more like an absence of feeling.

Eggsy wanted to scratch of his face. To feel it, feel the pain, like that it could stay, even when there won’t be anything anymo-

“Sir?”

Eggsy was startled by a lady, mid thirties. He looked at her, and then looked around him. He was in the middle of the sidewalk, facing the road, and the cars.

“Sir? Are you ok?”, she asked again.

Eggsy stepped back, out of her reach, nodded slightly.

“Are you sure? Do you need help?”, she insisted.

Adrenalin flooded him. Why was she so insistent? What was wrong with her? Could she try something against him? Did she follow him? Was she here to attack him?

Eggsy took a hold of himself, straightened his back, his neck, his head. Wiped his eyes, clearing his vue.  
And gave her his deadly smile.

“Everything is perfect. Have a lovely day”, and then, walked past her.

He returned to his car, still wide open, and left without another look.

The pain was gone. And she left nothing behind her.

Just numbness.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment.


End file.
